On The Story Factor

I recently finished reading The Story Factor – Inspiration, Influence, and Persuasion Through the Art of Storytelling – by Annette Simmons.

As the title indicates, this is a book about the power of storytelling as an influencing tool. As Annette best tells it: ”People don’t want more information. They are up to their eyeball in information. They want faith…Faith needs a story to sustain it – a meaningful story that inspires belief in you and renews hope that your ideas indeed offer what you promise…Story is your path to creating faith. Telling a meaningful story means inspiring your listeners…to reach the same conclusions you have reached and decide for themselves to believe what you say and do what you want them to do. People value their own conclusions more highly than yours. They will only have faith in a story that has become real for them personally. Once people make your story, their story, you have tapped into the powerful force of faith. Future influence will require very little follow-up energy from you and may even expand as people recall and retell your story to others.”

The author then goes to summarize what the remainder of the book is about: “The rest of this book is dedicated to proving to you the things you already know about storytelling and filling in whatever gaps might be missing. Storytelling is not rocket science. It is very easy and incredibly rewarding to practice.”

A very enlightening, practical and applicable book – no matter what it is that you do in life. You will find inspiration and learn numerous techniques to improve your storytelling abilities and consequently your influence. Highly recommended read!

Below are key excerpts from the book, that I found particularly insightful:

1- “There are six types of stories that will serve you well in your efforts to influence others. 1) “Who I Am” Stories, 2) “Why I Am Here” Stories, 3) “The Vision” Story, 4) “Teaching” Stories, 5) “Values-in-Action” Stories, 6) “I Know What You Are Thinking” Stories. “

2- “Other methods of influence – persuasion, bribery, or charismatic appeals – are push strategies. Story is a pull strategy. If your story is good enough, people – of their own free will – come to the conclusion they can trust and the message you bring.”

3- “People need story to organize their thoughts and make sense of things. In fact, anyone you attempt to influence already has a story…If you tell them a story that makes better sense to them you can reframe the way they organize their thoughts, the meanings they draw, and thus the actions they take.”

4- “Policy can’t adapt, but a story can give guidance, make sense, and without ruling on either side of an unresolvable conflict, invite someone to think through her own creative solution to a tough problem.”

5- “A good story helps you influence the interpretation people give to facts. Facts aren’t influential  until they mean something to someone. A story delivers a context so that your facts slide into new slots in your listener’s brains.”

6- “However, if you tell sustaining, guiding stories like this one, people will feel empowered to stop asking you for answers and to think for themselves. An answer only gives them a fish, whereas a story teaches them how to fish for themselves.”

7- “Influence is a function of grabbing attention, connecting to what they already feel is important, and linking that feeling to whatever you want them to see, do,or feel. It is easier to let your story land first, and then draw the circle of meaning/connection around it using what you see and hear in the responses of your listeners. Influencing is a real-time activity.”

8- “Traditional models of influence are linear and focus on power that is first gained, then exercised, and in the end either reinforced or list. Story favors a circular model of power where influence is passed back and forth and where beginning are endings and endings are beginnings.”

9- “A wonderful way to find influential stories is to review the personal experiences that brought you to the place where you now want to influence others.”

10- “True influence changes behavior without relying on constant reminders. Any agreement that depends on policing future behavior is not addressing some force or dynamic still working against your desired goal.”

11- “No builder would start building without first understanding the foundations of the terrain. Neither would a successful influencer build a new story without first understanding the old stories. Influence will require either a new foundation that can coexist with the old stories or excavation and removal of the old outdated stories.”

12- “Storytelling tracks vital deviations that inspire growth – meaningful personal experiences, creative solutions to conflict, and paradoxial truths.”

13- “After all, organizational values form behavior. Stories about your values in action create and sustain the organizational culture (for better or for worse). When you live the vision and values you profess, you need only tell people what happened last week or last moth. If you aren’t living your vision and values daily, well, you can’t dress a pig in a ball gown and expect people to call her princess. Story telling operates as a litmus test of accountability that simultaneously inspires and reminds us to stay true to our values.”

14- “Storytelling is the most valuable skill you can develop to help influence others. It is your birthright to be a good storyteller. In a sense, your life is a story and you are already telling that one perfectly. “

Regards,

Omar Halabieh

The Story Factor

On The Servant Leadership

I recently finished reading The Servant Leadership – A Simple Story about the True Essence of Leadership – by James C. Hunter.

This is business tale  relaying the story of a businessman (John Daily) who is struggling both at work and at home. John is signed up to attend a weeklong leadership retreat at a monastery. Through this retreat, interactions with other participants, and with the guidance of a former executive turned monk John learns the true foundation of leaderships: “Authority, Service and Sacrifice, Love, and Will”.

A very quick, entertaining and educative read!

Below are excerpts from the book that I found particularly insightful:

1) “Leadership: The skill of influencing people to work enthusiastically toward goals identified as being for the common good.”

2) “Simply put, leadership is about getting things done through people. When working with an getting things done through people, there will always be two dynamics involved – the task and the relationship. It is easy for leaders to lose their balance by focusing on only one of these dynamics at the expense of the other…The key then to leadership is accomplishing the tasks at hand while building relationships.”

3) “When you cut people off in midsentence…it sends some bad message…your feelings of respect must aligned with you actions of respect.”

4) “…a leader is someone who identifies and meets the legitimate needs of their people, removes all the barriers, so they can serve the customer. Again, to lead you must serve.”

5) “Leadership Model: Leadership, Authority, Service and Sacrifice, Love, Will”

6) “Love and Leadership: a) Patience: Showing Self-Control b) Kindness: Giving Attention, Appreciation, and Encouragement c) Humility: Being Authentic and Without Pretense or Arrogance d) Respectfulness: Treating Others as Important People e) Selflessness: Meeting the Needs of Others f) Forgiveness: Giving up Resentment when Wronged g) Honesty: Being Free from Deception h) Commitment: Sticking to your Choices i) Results: Service and Sacrifice: Setting Aside your own wants and needs; seeking the greatest good for others.”

7) “My definition of motivation is any communication that influences choice. As leaders, we can provide the necessary friction but people must make their own choice to change.”

8) “Thoughts become actions, actions become habits, habits become our character, and our character becomes our destiny.”

9) “Joy is a much deeper phenomenon (than happiness) that is not based on outward circumstances…Joy is about inner satisfaction and the conviction of knowing that you are truly aligned with the deep and unchanging principles of life. Serving others breaks you free from the shackles of self and self-absorption that choke out the joy of living.”

Regards,

Omar Halabieh

The Servant Leadership

On The Go-Giver

I recently finished reading The Go-Giver – A Little Story About A Powerful Business Idea – by Bob Burg and John David Mann. This book was recommended to me by one of my blog followers (thank you Stephanie!).

The Go-Giver as the authors tell, revolves around the story of a young professional (Joe) who is striving for success. Joe is ambitious, however lately it seems like his hard work and efforts are not paying off in terms of results. Following a disappointing quarter – in terms of sales results – he inadvertently seeks the mentorship of “The Chairman”.

Joe then embarks on a learning journey by meeting “Go-Givers” – friends of  ”The Chairman”. Through these interactions he learns of the “Five Laws of Stratospheric Success”:

1- The Law of Value: “Your true worth is determined by how much more you give in value than you take in payment.”

2- The Law of Compensation: “Your income is determined by how many people you serve and how well you serve them.”

3- The Law of Influence: “Your influence is determined by how abundantly you place other people’s interests first.”

4- The Law of Authenticity: “The most valuable gift you have to offer is yourself.”

5- The Law of Receptivity: “The key to effective giving is to stay open to receiving.”

A very insightful, powerful and enjoyable parable/story that reminds us of the basics of success – which start with giving and circle back with receiving (not the other-way around i.e. go-getter).

Below are two excerpts that resonated with me:

1- “What you focus on is what you get.”

2- “Because if you place the other person’s interests first, your interests will always be taken care of. Always. Some people call it enlightened self-interest. Watch out for what other people need, with the faith that when you do, you’ll get what you need.”

Regards,

Omar Halabieh

The Go-Giver

On The Art of Influence

I just finished reading The Art of Influence – Persuading Others Begins with You – by Chris Widener. This book was recommended to me by my mentor. This book is a parable on influence and its fundamental role in leadership. As Chris describes it: “Influence is the key to success. Influence is the art of business.” Through the story of Marcus and Bobby, we learn about the Four Golden Rules of Influence:

1) Live a life of undivided integrity

2) Always demonstrate a positive attitude

3) Consider other people’s interests as more important than your own

4) Don’t settle for anything less than excellence

While the above learnings are by no means novel, they are formulated and presented in a very educative, entertaining and thoughtful manner. A highly recommended quick read, that as Mark Sanborn writes: “reminds us of the bedrock fundamentals not only of influence but of a life well lived.”

Below are some excerpts that I found particularly insightful:

1- “Persuasion is about what you do to other people. It is about techniques… Influence, in the other hand, is about you…Influence is your ability to change another person’s thoughts, beliefs, or actions. In order to be successful in business, you have to be able to influence people.”

2- “You can’t decide if you are going to be a leader. You can only decide if you will become the type of person others want to follow.”

3- “Thomas Jefferson quote – there is a ‘Natural aristocracy among men, the grounds of which is virtue and talent.”

4- On Fishing: “…you’ve got to have fish…you’ve got to wait until they are hungry…you have to use the right king of bait…the last important factor in fishing is presentation.”

5- “…let me tell you about integrity. It is all you have. It is the foundation of everything else you do. Without it, you are lost in business. Ultimately the relationship between leader and follower, between buyer and seller, is about trust. Without integrity, it is impossible to trust.”

6- “Always demonstrate a positive and optimistic attitude. That is how I influence these superstars I have to lead.”

7- “What should they do? (When things go wrong) They need to ask the positive and optimistic question: What good can come from this? That question will help you focus on solutions. It will focus you on a better future. And bringing people to a better future is what influence is all about. Optimism is a choice that we make.

8- On leadership by walking around: “…what matters is what you do when you walk around. I make sure that I am looking out for my people and building relationships. I make sure they know that I care about them and am interested in them.”

9- “People are attracted to excellence, so when we live our lives with excellence, people view us in a different way than if we didn’t. They actually respect us more, and give us more  opportunity to influence them.”

Regards,

Omar Halabieh

The Art of Influence

On Just Listen

I recently finished reading the book Just Listen by Mark Goulston, which was recommended to me by my mentor. As the title indicates this book is about discovering “the secret to getting through to absolutely anyone”. In this book Mark presents what he calls the “Persuasion Cycle”. He argues that all successful communications move through the steps of this cycle, from beginning to end.  The stages are:

-From resisting to listening

-From listening to considering

-From considering to willing to do

-From willing to do to doing

-From doing to glad they did and continuing to do

The book then goes on to introduce rules and techniques that can be leveraged to move people through the different stages of this cycle. Section II of the book details the nine core rules: move yourself from “OH F#@& to OK”, rewire yourself to listen, make the other person feel “felt”, be more interested than interesting, make people feel valuable, help people to exhale emotionally and mentally, check your dissonance at the door, when all seems lost – bare your neck, steer clear of toxic people.

Section III introduces techniques that can utilized to “achieve buy-in and get through”: the impossibility question, the magic paradox, the empathy jolt, the reverse play, empathy jolt #2, “do your really believe that”, the power of “hmmm…”, the stipulation gambit, from transaction to transformation, side by side, fill in the blanks, take it all the way to “no”, the power thank you and power apology.

The last section, section IV, Mark applies the above learning to successfully navigate through seven challenging situations: the team from hell, climbing the ladder, the narcissist at the table, stranger in town, the human explosion, getting through to yourself, six degrees of separation.

What sets this book apart is the breadth in which it covers the topic of listening from the fundamentals to the techniques to the application. This makes it very practical and applicable in any situation one can encounter, whether at work or at home. Mark does an excellent job of enriching the book with his numerous insights and rich experiences. A highly recommended read.

Below are some excerpts from the book that I found particularly insightful:

1- “When you go from “Oh F#@& to OK,” you go from being fixated on the way you are convinced the world should or shouldn’t be, but never will be, to being ready to deal with the world the way it is.”

2- “…The way to truly win friends and influence the best people is to be more interested in listening to them than you are in impressing them.”

3- “So: how do you master the skill of being interested – and be sincere when you do it? The first key is to stop thinking of conversation as a tennis match. (He scored a point. Now I need to score a point.) Instead, think of it as a detective game, in which your foal is to learn as much about the other person as you can. Go into the conversation knowing that there is something very interesting about the person, and be determined to discover it.”

4- “Passion is about the vision of the company. People want to believe that they’re doing an important job that makes a difference to their customers and clients, and puts a smile on their facts. Enthusiasm is about execution. Even with a great vision, people lose their enthusiasm and fail to accomplish what they’re capable of doing if their leaders are dropping the ball. Pride is about vision, but also about ethics, because few people feel proud if their company is doing something dishonest. It’s also about doing something meaningful, because as people grow older, leaving the world better than they found it becomes more important.”

5- “Owning up to your feeling of vulnerability is empowering. It prevents an amygdala hijack that could result in rash decisions and seriously bad life choices. It allows you to exhale, rather than blowing up. Doing the opposite – pretending your’re fine when your world is imploding – can be dangerous or even deadly.”

6- “Invite people to tell you what they think is impossible, and they’ll lower their guard to consider what’s possible.”

7- “To Succeed in your career, it’s less important what you know or even who you know than who truly knows you and how they know you. – Ivan Misner, Founder, BNI”

Regards,

Omar Halabieh

Just Listen